Welcome sister, I feel grateful to share a snippet of my story with you in hopes that you find pieces of resonance within your own journey...
Story telling is one of the most powerful ways we can impact each other and learn from one another.
I feel so grateful to be where I am now... Living a life divinely guided by Spirit, being in deep service to the Womb, having deep Sisterhood connections like I never could have imagined, up and moved to the mountains of Costa Rica sustaining myself solely on mission-based work.
I began this path years ago, but it's never a one and done transformation. So what I'm going to share with you is vulnerable because it shows my human after I had already been doing "the work" for years. But I feel that is the most important thing we can do as space holders - is show are human and be vulnerably authentic.
Some time ago, I found myself in the kind of situation I empowered other women to get out of. I got into a relationship that held a lot of promise, that had deep connection in the realms I had been craving, but after some time it revealed itself to be a deep trauma bond. And while like in the past I did not lose myself in the relationship, I did stay longer than I'd want to admit.
I let his insecurities take me out of my own power. I started shutting down my voice because it was easier.
I even started to question my own ability to hold space and the things I was teaching, even though I had guided and supported many women successfully.
I stopped doing my practices. I stopped praying. I stopped trusting.
I was different around my friends.
I started feeling shame around my sexuality.
I even tried to break up with him 3 times and couldn't stick to it. The second time he even laughed in my face. Yea and I stayed.
The final straw was when a friend of mine told me “You’re choosing someone who disconnects you from God instead of choosing God”.
And it hit me. The very next day I broke up with him.
And a week later i found out I was pregnant. Our karmic path was not done. I had been intending to abort the child but wanted his support through that process and had been planning to have a doula help me create a ceremony. To truly be with the process because I didn't want to breeze through and carry the trauma and pain in my body for years.
Weeks later I woke up with excruciating pain, i couldn't even stand up. I waited hours until a friend convinced me to go to the ER because I didn't think it was bad enough and was worried about the cost more than my body. (hello the feminine programming in our world that we are overreacting or it's never bad enough).
There I was in the car screaming in pain and didn’t want to get a wheelchair in case something wasn’t wrong because I thought it would be embarrassing if I made a scene.
Not even 10 min later my vision completely blacked out and two hours later I was in emergency surgery.
The baby was stuck in my fallopian tube and it had ruptured, it was farther along than I thought and already had a heartbeat.
I had been nearly hours away from dying. And didn't get the ceremonial process I had been hoping.
There was a lot of pain in the process - physical and emotional. But probably the most painful part was recognizing the medical system that ignored the symptoms I had week before and recognizing within myself how I downplayed my experience when I was really in danger.
And in the midst of the worst pain I had known, I realized - I could choose to attach to the pain of this story, to identify with the trauma so that people would feel bad for me.
Or I could choose to transform this situation, to truly feel it all, and find my sense of power on the other side.
And in that space i found a deeper sense of peace than I had ever known. I knew while I was laying in the hospital this was happening for a reason and was calling me deeper in service of the womb and the feminine.
I went into a deep space of healing for weeks. I allowed myself to be fully cared for and devoted to for weeks and to receive support in ways I had never before.
This man who I had so much challenge with was given an opportunity to truly be of service in love and devotion and I was given space to feel it all. To unwind the trauma in real time.
I met a deeper level of communion with my womb.
Together we were able to create beautiful ceremony and ritual to honor the Spirit of the child and lovingly close our chapter together.
I had an opportunity to channel all of the tools I had been learning and fine tuning for years for my own deep healing,
And I invested deeper into the path of the priestess, to learn the tools to alchemize womb trauma, to restore my own sense of erotic innocence and trust in my heart. To bring back moment-to-moment ritual and prayer into my life. To more deeply fine tune my intuitive senses.
I was able to set healthier boundaries instead of falling back into the same relationship pattern.
My relationship with my father greatly improved.
I truly could FEEL my womb and knew how to deeply commune with her.
And a new fire was lit within me. And from that point on I devoted myself to the path of the feminine. To champion for the feminine - no more shall she be shut down, subdued, ignored, or told she's overreacting (more importantly by herself).
I am a guide for women to tune their intuition, awaken their sensuality, and unwind trauma in their body, so they can give and receive true divine love.
So they can restore trust in themselves and God.
So they can REMEMBER their innate power, to be a force to be reckoned with and go onto inspire other women and create a massive ripple effect.
Because I believe that no woman needs to carry their stories of relationship wounding and womb trauma with them like a badge of honor.
I believe that every woman is my sister and that every woman deserves to feel the Divine within her own body.